So lately all of my life’s pain has been thrown in my face. I have no clue on how to deal with it. I am a strong person, but this is beyond me. I don’t know what to do any more. Everything hurts and I can barely even fake a smile nowadays. I just.. Don’t know what I can do. I have never been so broken down like this.. I wish it would all just go away, but it won’t and it is killing me. I sound like some depressing fuck, but these are my feelings.. Why must this all be happening to me? I know I did things to deserve this, but why doesn’t it stop? Is there not a limit to punishment. If there ever was I wish this was the limit, because I’m about to be passed my limit..
Sooo…Lately I have started realizing more and more. I have realized recently that I am disgusted with the thought of myself. I have become the person that I told myself to never become. I realize I am lonely. But through all of this, I still have a few people that have been here for me.
I often wonder what has happened, but then I remember the answer. It’s called life. The flurry of emotions daily, and the immense pain I have had to deal with.
I, as a person, must change. I must find this happiness that is sought out by many. I must find peace within myself, because if I don’t I believe things will become much worse.
I cannot figure out why I put myself through these things, such as being lonely and sad moments that could easily be happy, but there must be a reason. Some might think I am either crazy, heartless, stupid, mean, stuck-up, conceited, irresponsible, or maybe all of the above, but I’m not. I hate how easily people are starting to dislike me because of what rumors they hear from others, and not from me.But in some crazy way I am growing up just because of this. Whoever I have become is just a fog that I must blow away.
Anyways, the things that have been going on in my life lately. Well, I’m in a band. These people are kind, and good friends. But I fear that they turn their heads from people to easily. What I mean is, is if you upset them then they just severely dislike you. This is just my assumption from my observations of being around them.
It’s kinda funny, writing used to make me feel better, but all I really want right now is a hug.
I must figure out what has been wrong with me. I have to move past this all. I need to remember to not seclude myself from the world. I will start trying to care more again, to love everyone, and to treat others as I wish to be treated because I am no better than them.
I hope that whomever reads this believes me when I say that I will become a better person.
To All Those I Have Hurt;
I am truly sorry… <3
Sincerely, Stony :/
Why does no one ask me questions on here??
The people who follow me on Tumblr and other social networks should really talk to me. ;-;